Observations on Sleepy Hollow State Park near Laingsburg, Michigan.

Yesterday I spent the day at the lake at Sleepy Hollow State Park near Laingsburg, and had the following observations:

I heard on the radio that 20% of Americans can be classified as obese. Yesterday’s sampling would suggest it’s more like 80%. And I now know what “extremely obese” looks like – and it’s not pretty (and rather hairy).

Ladies (and I use that expression loosely): You’ve heard that old expression, if “you’ve got it, flaunt it”? Ladies, you don’t have it. Put it away. And for that special little number wearing that oddly-cut camo colored bathing suit – sorry, it’s not good looking at all. Next time try a burqa, you’d look great in it.

Gentlemen: If you want to swim in the lake, at least put down your cigarette. Standing up to your neck in water while still smoking makes you look hopelessly optimistic, or just stupid. I’m choosing the latter.

Ladies: cut down on the number of tattoos you have. Just because your skin is expanding with your weight doesn’t mean you have to cover every square inch with ink. Also, consider this: that cute butterfly “tramp stamp” you have is going to look like like the Bacardi bat in a few years. Are you sure you want to put your baby’s daddy’s name in all-capitalized Old English lettering on your lower buttock? It’s going to turn into Arabic after a decade’s worth of stretch marks, and probably say something to the effect of “easy to impregnate”.

Gentlemen: I realize you aren’t really sure if those kids are yours or not, but for the love of God put down your beer and help out the kid’s momma – it is only 10:30am after all.

Both sexes: Yes, that haircut looked really cool in that Motley Crue (or was it Ratt?) video in 1986, but really, it’s time to move on. Especially you, fella – do you really wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say “damn, I look good today?” Because you don’t. Stop lying to yourself.

Pet Owners: When you dog(s) are the size of horses, their poop is the size of horses. Please do not bring them to a public beach, it cuts down on the amount of useable beachfront the public has access to.

Mother Nature: On behalf of humankind, I apologize for damming up that river and trying to create a lake where there shouldn’t be one. Could you do me a favor and make the water a little less brown? It’s rather off-putting seeing people swimming in what looks like a gigantic cup of coffee.

Russia classifies beer as alcoholic; recognizes what the world knew millennia ago

From the BBC

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has signed a bill that officially classifies beer as alcoholic.

Until now anything containing less than 10% alcohol in Russia has been considered a foodstuff.

The move, signed into law on Wednesday, will allow ministers to control the sale of beer in the same way that spirits are controlled.

Russian alcohol consumption is already twice the critical level set by the World Health Organization.

Although vodka has long been the traditional tipple in Russia, beer has soared in popularity, being marketed as a healthier alternative to spirits.

Over the past decade, beer sales in Russia have risen more than 40% while vodka sales have fallen by nearly 30%.

Correspondents say it is common to see people swigging beer in the street and in parks as if they are drinking soft drinks.

It is not restricted to certain stores and is sold around the clock.

“The law brings some order into the sale of beer,” Vadim Drobiz, director of the Centre for Federal and Regional Alcohol Market Studies, told US broadcaster Bloomberg.

Last year the Russian beer industry was hit by a 200% tax hike on its products as ministers sought to bring consumption under control.

The new measures – which come into effect in 2013 – will stop alcohol being sold in unlicensed kiosks, ban its sale from stores between certain hours and restrict its advertising.

In 2009 President Medvedev ordered the government to prepare draft laws on a package of measures to counter growing alcohol abuse.

Forget Voting You Out of Office, These Constituents Can Steal Your Soul

As long as the world has been around, people have cursed politicians. But most of us are rank amateurs. To see the professionals level a curse, you have to travel to Romania, where you’ll find a group of witches who are so enraged that they are mobilizing across the country and gathering in solidarity in anti-government rallies.

That’s because the Romanian government recently decided to recognize witches, astrologers and fortune tellers in the official Romanian labor code — meaning the professions will be taxed like everybody else.

Naturally, this isn’t going over very well. In addition to the demonstrations, some of the witches have taken a more direct route, casting poisonous mandrake plants into the Danube River as part of their campaign to “threaten the government with spells and spirits,” and using concoctions of dead dogs and cat feces to create powerful curses against the government.

For its part, the government has held strong, arguing that difficult times call for strong measures, adding that turning President Basescu into a newt is an inappropriate redress of grievances.

Feeling Upset? Look At Some Meat

From Slashdot.org: “A study out of Canada claims that seeing meat actually calms a person down. From the article: ‘Contrary to expectations, a McGill University researcher has discovered that seeing meat makes people significantly less aggressive. Frank Kachanoff, who studies evolution at the university’s department of psychology, had initially thought the presence of meat would provoke bloodlust, believing the response would have helped our primate ancestors hunt. But in fact, his research showed the reverse is true.’”

What to do when you are losing an election: steal your opponent’s father’s skull

Peruvian mayor blackmailed with father’s stolen skull

From the BBC

Thieves have tried to blackmail a Peruvian small-town mayor into withdrawing his re-election bid by claiming to have stolen his late father’s skull, police say.

The thieves dug up the body of Rogelio Vizcarra’s father and then sent him a text message.

Mr Vizcarra, mayor of San Cristobal in southern Peru, says the message sender offered to return the skull if he withdrew his bid for re-election.

But he says he still plans to run.

Police in the small town near Moquegua say the grave robbers unearthed the remains of Juan Vizcarra, who died in 1978, removing the skull and leaving the bones scattered around the cemetery.

The crime of offending the memory of the dead could be punished by a two-year jail sentence, police said.

Meanwhile Mr Vizcarra publicly condemned his political rivals for running a dirty campaign, and the authorities said they were investigating a number of leads including the mayor’s opponents.

Peruvians are to vote in municipal and regional elections across the country next week.

Local polls say the current mayor is the second most popular of the four candidates for the job.

But the public sympathy of shocked local residents might just push him into the number one position.

Terrible Aircraft Crash!

Brace yourself before looking at the below image.

A pilot at low level has no control over his aircraft.

It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the airshow and slams into four buildings.  One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.

Whisky Made From Diabetics’ Urine

It’s doubtful that any other distillery will come up with a whisky that tastes like Gilpin Family Whisky because of its secret ingredient: urine. Researcher and designer James Gilpin uses the sugar rich urine of elderly diabetics to make his high-end single malt whisky. From the article: “The source material is acquired from elderly volunteers, including Gilpin’s own grandmother, Patricia. The urine is purified in the same way as mains water is purified, with the sugar molecules removed and added to the mash stock to accelerate the whisky’s fermentation process. Traditionally, that sugar would be made from the starches in the mash.”